Learning to Say No

Moving from high school to university is arguably one of the most monumental transitions in your life. Not to mention, getting into law school. 

As a first year student, I prepared to set myself up for success in every single aspect of my university life. I wanted it all, and to do so I fully threw myself into the throttle of everything. For the past 8 months, I lived by the mindset to get involved in everything. After all, what did I have to lose? I exponentially grew my social network, met some of the most admirable and like-minded peers, developed new skills, and discovered my true passions and strengths through it all. 

However, going from refusing to sign myself up for anything in high school, to immediately immersing myself in every event in university societies, it was bound to bite me in the back. Whilst I have no regrets indulging myself into the depth of university life, the biggest lesson I have learnt is: you can’t do it all. 

Adrenaline of getting into university:

Leaving an environment where you spent time with the same people for 8 hours everyday consistently for 8 years was extremely daunting. Determined to make new friends and indulge myself with a plethora of opportunities, I had a drive and determination within myself that I had never experienced. I joined countless clubs, signed up to various volunteering opportunities, registered in many competitions and events without even a second-thought. Being able to socially engage with other like-minded peers, meeting new friends and forming enriching and promising friendships, surged me with a new type of adrenaline, one I could only ascertain was from these amazing social interactions. 

However, there is such a thing as too much anticipation. I had completely romanticised my law school life as something seen only in Legally Blonde. An empowered woman doing it all. 

Social implications and academic fallbacks: 

Of course, investing so much of my social energy and time into these extra-curricular activities left me little time to balance my double degree and its workload, as well as giving time to myself. To resort to my social life and participation in activities as a way to escape from the formidable reality of assignments being due, grades being below my expectations, and personal anxieties, came with a pronounced setback in my mental health and my academic performance. 

My social life had become my coping mechanism, a defence against my suppressed anxieties. So where do you draw the line? 

Learn to say no: 

Halfway into the semester, I had realised that without a healthy and sound mental state, I could not keep up with the many social groups I had involved myself in. I would not perform to the best of my abilities in competitions and volunteering events. This would only send me into a downward spiral, a cycle that is never ending and frankly, suffocating. 

So, I had learnt to say no. 

I’m sure all first years, especially in a degree that is so socially taxing, have a lingering fear of missing out (FOMO!). However, this fear of missing out cannot come at the cost of our alone time. Especially for first year law students, we cannot afford to have this fear blatantly control our every decision. 

It is important to remember that we are just first year law students. Transitioning from high school, where everything was spoon-fed to you, to university, where independence is key to success, is something that time can only heal. It is confronting to be so unsure of yourselves, your future pathways are so unprecedented and undefined, and it sure is humbling to get your first few assignments back. However, involving yourselves in an excess amount of extracurriculars cannot expedite this uncomfortable and confronting transition. 

Rather than allowing yourself to prioritise your social life over your academics and self-care time, balance them.

Your social life and your mental health are so intertwined. Having a strong and healthy mindset is the fundamental component to your success, whether it be success in your social life or your academics. Overwhelming yourself with an extravagant lifestyle filled with countless social gatherings and engaging with new people can only exhaust yourself, depleting your social battery and your time to focus on other equally important aspects of your life. 

So learn to say no. Learn to be able to step back from invitations without the overwhelming sense of regret or fear of missing out, scaring yourself with the hypotheticals of: “what if I miss out on making these amazing and core memories with new people?”. The biggest lesson I have learnt is that to be able to work on yourself, improve your academic skills, giving yourself time to adjust to university life and studies independently, can only make your experiences with your friends that much more cherishable. 

Give yourself the time and space to work on yourself, investing time to address the feedback of your assignments, expand on your learning methods to set yourself up for success in your future years. This is something that I have been navigating too, and it is never a linear journey. You will always encounter disappointments no matter how much time you spend improving on yourself. However, to be able to set boundaries with yourself and others, to dedicate time to yourself, can help you overcome these setbacks in a much more effective and healthy manner. 

Not only should you designate enough time for your academics, focusing on your mental health is rudimentary. Another lesson I have learnt this year is to feel your feelings. Do not avoid facing your emotions just because you cannot afford the time and energy to do so. Having consistent self-care practices can only facilitate your success in your university life. So give yourself a moment to go read the book that’s collecting dust in your to-read list, to lie in your bed with a face mask on to decompress and relax, journaling about your long day and your emotions, and most importantly, confiding with other trusted people when there is something weighing heavily on your heart. For some people like myself, it truly takes a team effort to go through my anxieties and feelings, and to have that network of support to fall back on when things feel too overwhelming or challenging can only set you up for success. 

There is not a single thing I regret looking back on the start of my university journey, even with the fallbacks I faced. I have witnessed myself and everyone around me develop significantly as individuals, discovering their true potential and passions with a degree that they are so passionate about. Most importantly, I have learnt the significance of taking a step back, being able to say no, and investing my energy into myself. 

It isn’t easy, but it is so worth it. 

Written by Maggie Wu